the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
