my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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