Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
