It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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