Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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