If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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