Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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