Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
