i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
