dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize