they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
