Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
