If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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