3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
