Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
