Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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