He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
