he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
