the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
