You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize