We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We have started to decorate penises.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize