My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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