I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize