so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
