ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
