um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
