There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
