i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
