i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
