In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also, beer. Big fan.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
