Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
