where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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