I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
