She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
