i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize