Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
