You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize