you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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