i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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