Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
