Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
