you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
