The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
