a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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