So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize