ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you would pick up someone in the library
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
