i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
