you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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