Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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