im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will pee on everything he values.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
