but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
