my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
