If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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