he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
