therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
