I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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