Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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