guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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