I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
