my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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