It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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