Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
