Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
