remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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