I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
